[Oh wait she asked a question. NOW HE LOOKS THOUGHTFUL.]
That old thing... Y'know, I'm not exactly qualified to run a restaurant. I never wanted the damn thing to begin with. It's just more junk Owl left for me.
[djskahj yeah that one shorts out his brain a little.]
A-ah, never mind. I just realized I don't really wanna know.
You're right though, it's weird. Pretty sick, too. If you ask me, that just makes it more important not to forget some of the things that went missing.
[She goes quiet for a moment, and then brings the Forge over to her bed, where she sits against the pillows. A moment later, the grey cat with a million names comes over and settles on her lap.]
...I still can’t believe you’re here, you know. It’s a little weird. I mean, that is, too. Because you were gone for so long that I thought... and everything changed so much, even though it wasn’t as long as... well it was only two months. Which doesn’t seem like much, except that it is. Because the whole world changed in that time.
...I know that! I was-- mrmph. It doesn’t matter. Someone pulled me into the river.
[Wait, that wasn’t the main point, was it? She pets the cat. Idly.]
Arthur held a tournament. And my butler won the melee. [She smiles at this, laughing quietly under her breath.] That was the fun. And then... this boy came. From my world. Someone important to... [her. And Isley, too. But her. Except she can’t say that, because it would just open more questions - she’ll get it later] ...Isley. And Riful kidnapped and threatened him.
And that’s how the war started.
[...mostly. She bites on her bottom lip.]
It would have started anyway. He and I were... [...] Ever since what Riful did to Clare, and me, and Irene, and... well ever since what she did, he and I had been kind of planning things. Quietly. Because someone had to stop her, and no one else could.
But she’s the one who struck the first blow when she took that boy.
[He listens quietly, and is mercifully spared having to decide whether or not to ask about the river thing with... everything else. He doesn't look especially happy about the events, and his voice turns a bit darker.]
That crazy bitch doesn't know when to keep her paws to herself, does she? Even if it means leaving old Isley and his shit alone.
He did. But by then, things had escalated. Riful tortured another warrior into awakening. I had an alliance of sorts with Luciela, so she turned on Riful, but then she attacked Isley, and so I turned on her, and she--
[a pause. her hand freezes on top of the cat’s head.]
--she nearly killed Yachiru. And me. And then she and her sister became the Destroyer - the thing in the ruins. And that’s when the cats came out.
And I was so hurt. Much too hurt to heal it well, even for me. And then one of those rods hit me, and... I just. I really thought I’d die again.
[Another pause. She looks at the screen.]
But I didn’t. Instead I just. Let go.
[And then she looks down, away from the screen, and her voice gets... small.]
I let go, and nothing hurt anymore. And I wasn’t afraid of anything.
...I didn’t know. Everyone told me that I was dangerous. That if I lost control, I’d be--- I didn’t know. Nothing they said could ever have.... I didn’t know anything could be that strong.
[She watches the screen, her expression carefully blank]
...they weren’t there when... there was too much chaos. Too much danger. By the time anyone realized what had happened, it was too late. Clare tried to kill me. It didn’t help her.
You don’t know. It wasn’t possible to--
Nothing could have stopped it once it started. And it was like the whole world just... my head it’s all-- [Wait. Stop. Reorient. She closes her eyes, and takes a breath.] ...I don’t know if I ever left Anatole. But I feel like I did. For an instant, here, and for years, really. Because I remember cutting Teresa’s head off. And I remember taking Irene’s arm. I remember the North. And when Isley knelt in front of me and promised to give me everything I desired. And when all the lights went out in Pieta. And Raki. And starving. And traveling with Raki because Isley made us leave him to die.
I remember everything, and my head is so... it was full of thoughts and puzzle pieces and people kept attacking me, and no one understood.
[She tips her head a little.]
But I didn’t kill anyone.
It was two weeks.... I think. After the statue had gone silent and things had become normal again, it took a while for Orihime to turn me back. I still don’t know why she did. If someone asked her to. But she turned me back into this... thing.
[....more silence. She keeps staring at her hands]
No. I’m not okay.
I hate... being afraid. I hate that people can hurt me, even if it’s just a few people. I hate having two lives and only one head, and only one me. And I hate feeling fragile. I hate feeling like I’m made of glass. I hate... that I can’t do the things I know I’m supposed to be able to do. I hate that I can’t fly. And that I’m so slow. I feel...
Nobody likes being weak, you know? But we all are, one way or another. We still deal with it. And you're a hell of a lot less weak than most, so don't act like you're so delicate now. You'll be fine.
I mean, unless you really think bein' a tough guy's worth giving up your humanity for, huh? Not to mention the diet.
...anyway. The war ended. That was... a month and a half ago. And then people started vanishing. Zack, Naruto - didn’t you call him Canary, once? In the beginning?
I haven’t been paying attention as much as I should have been. I guess I’ve been too distracted by me.
Elena. She’s the longest term resident. And then me. And then you.
When I told Elena, she said she had to get some things done before she disappeared, too. I have to admit... sometimes I feel the same way. And then I think about what would happen if I were gone. The Patrol would be okay, I know. Arthur would take care of that, and Riza.
But Isley. I worry... about what would happen with him. What he’d do.
[She rubs her face, keeping her eyes off the screen.]
As long as Raki is here, it’ll probably be all right, but...
...anyway. Oh! And then the dating happened again. I mean, the blind date. Thing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Video
[...]
Is it rainin' out there or something?
Video
[She rubs her face with the towel, and sighs.]
Do you... think you're going to reopen the restaurant?
Video
[Oh wait she asked a question. NOW HE LOOKS THOUGHTFUL.]
That old thing... Y'know, I'm not exactly qualified to run a restaurant. I never wanted the damn thing to begin with. It's just more junk Owl left for me.
...so, yeah, I think I might.
What do you think?
Video
I kind of miss it. Even though I... didn't eat there.
It's been strange with so many people missing.
Video
[djskahj yeah that one shorts out his brain a little.]
A-ah, never mind. I just realized I don't really wanna know.
You're right though, it's weird. Pretty sick, too. If you ask me, that just makes it more important not to forget some of the things that went missing.
Re: Video
[She goes quiet for a moment, and then brings the Forge over to her bed, where she sits against the pillows. A moment later, the grey cat with a million names comes over and settles on her lap.]
...I still can’t believe you’re here, you know. It’s a little weird. I mean, that is, too. Because you were gone for so long that I thought... and everything changed so much, even though it wasn’t as long as... well it was only two months. Which doesn’t seem like much, except that it is. Because the whole world changed in that time.
[....]
I wasn’t bathing. I was just walking!
Video
See? Mine got all fucked up overnight.
[He might be smirking, but he doesn't look especially happy.]
So what'd two months get us, anyway? Aside from a whole lot of new faces and some really shitty redecorating.
[...--wait]
You know those ain't the same at all, right?
Video
...I know that! I was-- mrmph. It doesn’t matter. Someone pulled me into the river.
[Wait, that wasn’t the main point, was it? She pets the cat. Idly.]
Arthur held a tournament. And my butler won the melee. [She smiles at this, laughing quietly under her breath.] That was the fun. And then... this boy came. From my world. Someone important to... [her. And Isley, too. But her. Except she can’t say that, because it would just open more questions - she’ll get it later] ...Isley. And Riful kidnapped and threatened him.
And that’s how the war started.
[...mostly. She bites on her bottom lip.]
It would have started anyway. He and I were... [...] Ever since what Riful did to Clare, and me, and Irene, and... well ever since what she did, he and I had been kind of planning things. Quietly. Because someone had to stop her, and no one else could.
But she’s the one who struck the first blow when she took that boy.
Video
That crazy bitch doesn't know when to keep her paws to herself, does she? Even if it means leaving old Isley and his shit alone.
...So what happened. You got the kid back, right?
Video
[a pause. her hand freezes on top of the cat’s head.]
--she nearly killed Yachiru. And me. And then she and her sister became the Destroyer - the thing in the ruins. And that’s when the cats came out.
And I was so hurt. Much too hurt to heal it well, even for me. And then one of those rods hit me, and... I just. I really thought I’d die again.
[Another pause. She looks at the screen.]
But I didn’t. Instead I just. Let go.
[And then she looks down, away from the screen, and her voice gets... small.]
I let go, and nothing hurt anymore. And I wasn’t afraid of anything.
...I didn’t know. Everyone told me that I was dangerous. That if I lost control, I’d be--- I didn’t know. Nothing they said could ever have.... I didn’t know anything could be that strong.
Video
[He knew. Arthur had mentioned it when he first came back, but it hadn't been the time to press the issue. Now, however, he's all grim looks.]
Didn't anyone try to help you? You had a whole crapload of people who swore they wouldn't let that happen. What the fuck were they doing?
Re: Video
...they weren’t there when... there was too much chaos. Too much danger. By the time anyone realized what had happened, it was too late. Clare tried to kill me. It didn’t help her.
You don’t know. It wasn’t possible to--
Nothing could have stopped it once it started. And it was like the whole world just... my head it’s all-- [Wait. Stop. Reorient. She closes her eyes, and takes a breath.] ...I don’t know if I ever left Anatole. But I feel like I did. For an instant, here, and for years, really. Because I remember cutting Teresa’s head off. And I remember taking Irene’s arm. I remember the North. And when Isley knelt in front of me and promised to give me everything I desired. And when all the lights went out in Pieta. And Raki. And starving. And traveling with Raki because Isley made us leave him to die.
I remember everything, and my head is so... it was full of thoughts and puzzle pieces and people kept attacking me, and no one understood.
[She tips her head a little.]
But I didn’t kill anyone.
It was two weeks.... I think. After the statue had gone silent and things had become normal again, it took a while for Orihime to turn me back. I still don’t know why she did. If someone asked her to. But she turned me back into this... thing.
[she looks at her palms, and doesn’t look up.]
Video
What are you talkin' about? You're you. I mean, you're weird and all, sure, but it's not the worst thing in the world, is it?
[He is eying her.]
Don't tell me you'd rather be like that guy. Like Riful.
Re: Video
...I don’t know.
[she flexes her fingers.]
Please don’t tell anyone.
no subject
[But it's still. A little disquieting.]
You okay?
no subject
No. I’m not okay.
I hate... being afraid. I hate that people can hurt me, even if it’s just a few people. I hate having two lives and only one head, and only one me. And I hate feeling fragile. I hate feeling like I’m made of glass. I hate... that I can’t do the things I know I’m supposed to be able to do. I hate that I can’t fly. And that I’m so slow. I feel...
[She presses her lips together. Hard.]
I feel weak.
no subject
Nobody likes being weak, you know? But we all are, one way or another. We still deal with it. And you're a hell of a lot less weak than most, so don't act like you're so delicate now. You'll be fine.
I mean, unless you really think bein' a tough guy's worth giving up your humanity for, huh? Not to mention the diet.
Do you?
no subject
I don’t know.
Humanity doesn’t have the lure that it used to.
...anyway. The war ended. That was... a month and a half ago. And then people started vanishing. Zack, Naruto - didn’t you call him Canary, once? In the beginning?
I haven’t been paying attention as much as I should have been. I guess I’ve been too distracted by me.
no subject
[It'd been a while, but he says it reflexively. And then rakes his fingers through his hair.]
Droppin' like flies, huh? Shit, that's all the people who were here the longest. That only leaves...
no subject
When I told Elena, she said she had to get some things done before she disappeared, too. I have to admit... sometimes I feel the same way. And then I think about what would happen if I were gone. The Patrol would be okay, I know. Arthur would take care of that, and Riza.
But Isley. I worry... about what would happen with him. What he’d do.
[She rubs her face, keeping her eyes off the screen.]
As long as Raki is here, it’ll probably be all right, but...
...anyway. Oh! And then the dating happened again. I mean, the blind date. Thing.
no subject
...wait, dating thing? You don't mean-- that crap with the strings and shit? Oh gimme a break, what the hell?
[...]
So who'd you get stuck with?
no subject
Tseng. ...and Clare.
….....and Arthur got Isley.
[HE ALWAYS DATES HER DATES.]
no subject
[Well now Senji just starts laughing.]
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[...]
They both did, right?
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